How to wear a knife strapped to your thigh with a garter like a fucking lady while managing not to slice yourself open because you were fool enough to carry an unsheathed weapon next to a squishy part of your body that moves when you walk.
- Get a garter from somewhere; this one is a sock garter from Sock Dreams, which means it’s made to stay the fuck up there.
- Get a fucking sheath for those sharp, pointy things and put them in the sheath. There’ll be a velcro loop at the top so that they won’t slide out if you hold the sheath upside down.
- Put the garter through the loop at the top meant for whatever you’re using to attach it to yourself. Attach it to yourself, adjusting for ease of grabbing. You don’t want to put it on your inner thigh because that is awkward as hell to get out. The only way you’d be able to get it out in a timely manner is if you attached the sheath upside down, at which point you’d need two garters to keep the sheath from tilting inward toward your other thigh.
- Oh no, now the sheath is hanging loosely and is going to make a weird pattern against your clothing. Tuck that shit into your stockings if you’re wearing them, or use another garter if you’re not.
- Pull your pencil skirt back down over the knife sheath. Adjust accordingly due to tightness of skirt and shape of sheath. Make sure you can get at it as quick as you want.
- People look at you really strangely if this is the knife you pull out when you want to cut your apple up.
Vital Information for your Everyday Life.
Reblogging this so I remember to show it to my wife.
I used to do this in high school cause 2 days of the week we did internships and shit and i had to bus alone to downtown seattle and there always creeps. I recommend listening to this.
No one has the right to tell you that their life is harder than yours. No one has the right to invalidate your struggles because they “got through it just fine.” No one has the right to tell you to suck it up because other people have it “worse.” Hardships are not comparable. Your struggles are real, legitimate, and just as difficult as anyone else’s
This has been a PSA thank you
my friend left her window open in her bedroom and came back to find this
look at his self-satisfied little face, the cheeky shit
if there was a post to describe australia, this is it
you mean to tell me this isn’t even a pet bird?
that in australia, you have wild birds that just fly from house to house with the express purpose of fucking shit up?
fucking HELL australia, what is wrong with you?
wake up australia
That’s what birds do
They fly around and fuck shit up
Do you have some kind of mysterious nice birds in your weird foreign country
Do birds in America and England fly into your house and make the bed and tidy up the living room a little bit
It’s cold here, so they just bounce off the windows and lie there and twitch spasmodically while you look for the shovel.
Basically hurling themselves at windows is the worst thing birds do
yeah man a kookaburra literally flew into a classroom at my high school and just sat his smug ass down on top of the desk for a good 20 minutes
why has nobody mentioned the fact that in australia there are 3-4 months a year where everybody just accepts that they’re going to get attacked by magpies. It is literally called “swooping season” and these birds will fly down to peck your fucking face, and people get their eyes ripped out and shit, it’s fucking brutal.
My teacher had to go to hospital and have surgery because of swooping season. It was in the parking lot of school and all the kids would do a mad dash towards the car as the magpies tried to kill us.
no but when you’re 12 years old and riding your bike like mad on the way home from school with an icecream bucket on your head with like branches and shit sticking out if it to scare them off and none of this is considered strange
what the actual fuck australia
This page by John Byrne is from an Avengers West Coast comic that came out when I was ten years old and at the peak of my superhero fandom.
I was very confused by this when I was ten. The dialogue makes it sound like the Scarlet Witch is going to do something sexual to Wonder Man, which would mean he’s protesting because it’s horrible that the woman he’s loved for years is going to do this while she’s unbalanced and evil. But the giant word balloons make it seem more like he’s in intense physical pain. Also, this was a comic aimed at kids in 1990, and I knew even then that they weren’t likely to imply even normal fellatio, let alone sadistic mindfuck fellatio. I also didn’t know much about what kinds of sex acts even existed, which meant there were a potentially infinite number of unknowable, perverted things she might have been doing.
But the scratches along his chest make it seem like maybe she’s going to keep scratching down— maybe she’s just scratching and hurting his dick? And that’s why he’s in pain? But that also seemed more risque than I would’ve expected. And it didn’t fit the dialogue.
Or did this somehow have nothing to do with Wonder Man’s dick? Is she taunting him with sexually suggestive words and then hurting his stomach and they’re weirdly keeping it off-panel? That seemed implausible. But so did the idea that Marvel was implying S&M handjobs.
I looked this up today, and even now that I know fancy terms like “fellatio” and “S&M”, it’s still confusing. Fortunately, the internet. So I found this explanation from the assistant editor about what happened.
First of all, it’s an interesting behind-the-scenes look at Marvel’s editorial process, if you’re into that sort of thing. More importantly: the page as published was altered from the original version John Byrne sent in! The link has a recreation of what the original page looked like, and an explanation of the changes that were made, and why. The original looked something like this:
No scratches on his chest, no bubbly superpower-effects coming out of her fingers, and most importantly, no top of her head in those bottom two panels. It’s still ambiguous, but the implication is much clearer: the newly-evil Scarlet Witch is giving Wonder Man a torture blowjob.
By the way: Wonder Man was my favorite character. I hero-worshipped him, I got a haircut like him, I pretended that I was him and that his adventures with the Avengers were my adventures, and when he confessed his longtime secret love for the Scarlet Witch a few months earlier, I rooted for her to love him back the way my secret childhood crushes never had.
Superhero comics have an older audience nowadays; this comic was aimed at 10-year-olds like me. I spent years wondering what could possibly be happening on this page. John Byrne scarred a generation. (But the scars were added on later. Zing?)
I do remember thinking it was creepy that, whatever happened, the rest of the Avengers all saw it.